I wish so much that it was not like this. I wish that she was still here, loving you through these difficult years. I wish that you could share your teenage secrets with her and hear again the secrets that she and I shared during those formidable years.
Your mother was my best friend. She got made at me once for saying about another girl that "she was the best friend I had ever had." I didn't blame her after I stopped and saw the reality of the situation. Your mom had stuck by me through failure, mistakes, and misplaced value, not to mention quite a few passing crushes and camp boyfriends! She much more deserved the title of "best friend I had ever had" than that other girl.
It's odd, now that I look back on it. Your mom was one of the only BF relationships I have had (except my husband) that survived an occasional fight. While many friends would move on, she did not. We were able to forgive and move on. Actually, I can only recall times where I received forgiveness, rather than offered it. Her consistency blessed me over and over!
I remember her coming to church. First alone, then with her brother, then with her mom. Our church loved them all. Her faith was so pure. She knew that God was her Father, that He had picked her as His very own child.
I want to tell you now what she would want you to remember--something so many teenage girls forget. Your worth is not determined by where you live or how you look or who likes you. Your worth is not even determined by how you act or what you wear! God is your Father. He has determined your worth is IT IS GREAT! So great that He paid the price for you with His very own Son, Jesus! You are a blessed child to Him, not just to those who have and will raise you here on this earth! Even a mother's or father's love could not compare to His!! Even in your time of grief and loss, He is there, drawing you to Him. He knows your pain and He hurts for you. But He also knows the plans He has for you, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). He has not brought you to this place to leave you.
Your mother was a loving friend and mother who we will never replace. In her faith and in her fallenness, she showed that her life was not what she made of it, but what He made of it. Her life was a reflection of His grace--His grace that is evident even now in you. Your mother was His child. She sits with Him even now.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).